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  • Writer's pictureLancer

Navigating the Loo: A Quirky Guide to Public Bathroom Etiquette

Ah, the public restroom – a space where one's sense of decorum is put to the test amidst a cacophony of flushing toilets and questionable odors. Fear not, brave soul, for we're about to embark on a whimsical journey through the uncharted waters of bathroom etiquette. So grab your toilet paper shield and let's dive in!



1. The Stall Selection Dance: Picture this: you enter a restroom with multiple empty stalls. Do you go for the first available one or engage in an elaborate stall selection dance worthy of a Broadway performance? Embrace the randomness and trust your instincts, but remember, it's all part of the adventure.

2. The Stealth Flush: Master the art of the stealth flush – the delicate balance between conserving water and sparing your fellow restroom patrons from unwanted sound effects. A well-timed flush can be your greatest ally in maintaining a discreet presence.

3. The Toilet Paper Tango: Ah, the eternal struggle of the toilet paper roll. Should it hang over or under? While this debate may never be resolved, remember to leave the roll in a state of semi-preparedness for the next weary traveler.

4. The Handwashing Hustle: Channel your inner handwashing guru and dazzle your audience with a symphony of soap and water. Remember, thorough handwashing is not only a sign of respect but also a defense against the forces of germs lurking in the shadows.

5. Urinal Etiquette Unveiled: When it comes to urinals, leave a buffer zone whenever possible. No one wants to feel crowded while answering nature's call. And remember, eye contact is strictly forbidden in the urinal zone – maintain a forward gaze and respect your fellow urinators' privacy.

6. The Awkward Encounter Avoidance Maneuver: Ever find yourself in a standoff at the sink, unsure of who should go first? Fear not! Employ the awkward encounter avoidance maneuver by pretending to fix your hair or engage in an impromptu tap dance routine until the coast is clear.

7. The Exit Strategy: Congratulations, you've navigated the treacherous waters of the public restroom! As you make your triumphant exit, resist the urge to sprint for the nearest exit. Instead, maintain a dignified pace and emerge from the restroom with the grace and poise of a conquering hero.

What Not to Put in Toilets and Urinals:

  • Goldfish: Despite what urban legends may suggest, toilets and urinals are not suitable habitats for aquatic creatures. Keep your goldfish in a proper aquarium and spare them from a watery demise.

  • Cell Phones: Tempting as it may be to catch up on emails or scroll through social media, resist the urge to use your phone while in the bathroom. Not only is it unsanitary, but it also puts your beloved device at risk of a watery grave.

  • Urinals do flush. Try it. But they do not flush down gum, tobacco (pouches or any variety of tobacco), loogies... basically they only flush liquids.

  • Love Letters: While the restroom may seem like a romantic setting, save your love letters for more appropriate venues. Trust us, declarations of love are best expressed outside the confines of a public restroom.


Navigating the public restroom can be a whimsical adventure filled with unexpected twists and turns. By embracing these quirky tips and tricks, you'll emerge from the loo with your dignity intact and a newfound appreciation for the art of bathroom etiquette. Until next time, happy flushing!



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